How do leaders get employees and others to snuggle up?

Well, maybe you don’t want them snuggling up, there might be a few eye brows raised. But it would be nice if they liked you, maybe even adored you. Let me explain.

These last two weekends I have had the opportunity to play Mr. Mom, and I mean big time Mr. Mom with five of my eight kids (15 year old girl and boys that are 12, 9, 6 and 4). I’m not use to it, but it has been an experience I wouldn’t mind having more (but nobody tell my wife that). Not because I enjoy dealing with every sibling squabble, washing every dirty dish, delegating chores or even making sure everyone gets off to school without a hitch at four different times! What I have enjoyed is the cuddling, the clinging, the arms wrapped around my neck and all other forms of “I love you dad” expressions. These have usually been reserved for mom, but not anymore.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like my kids don’t do some of those things some of the time. But these last two weekends have created a new shout in my home “three cheers for dad!” And you know what; they listen to me better and are interested in me more. I am a better leader in the home.

I got to thinking; is there any application with work? Yes, of course. I know some will argue it’s not the role of a leader to get people to like you. Yes and no, is my response. I don’t think you ever compromise leadership values for the sake of getting employees to like you. However, I do believe there is a strong correlation between respect (even adoration) and effective leaders. And while I wouldn’t advocate employees wrapping their arms around their bosses’ neck, we all want to be loved more, right?

So how do you create such respect and adoration with those you lead? The thing I learned this last weekend is that spending time is critical. If employees don’t know you, how can they adore you? It’s not as difficult as you think. I remember hearing the story of one CEO of a mid size company who when traveling to different service centers would take an hour or two out of his busy schedule to make it a point to personally say hi to every employee there. He would ask them about their families and jobs. Morale at that company took a significant jump.

Leaders should make it a point to not only get to know employees, but share things about themselves as well. It may take some time, but it will yield great results.

You can bet I will be spending more time with my kids. Why wouldn’t I? Cuddling, clinging, arms wrapped around my neck and the words “I love you dad,” why wouldn’t any father want more of that?

Do you agree that leaders need to be adored to be effective?

Also, follow our teamwork discussions and writings on LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook.

LinkedIn http://www.linkedin.com/e/vgh/2232816/
Twitter http://www.twitter.com/secondgleader
Facebook http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=123580326937

Comments

[Richard Townsend]

Hi Mike,

Nice post and great question.

No I don't think leaders need to be adored so much as trusted. Of course it's hard to be trusted if your not around. Absence always seems to grow monsters in peoples heads and they will tend to think 'bad' things rather than 'good'.

Trust the top five elements "integrity", "competence", "open communication", "respect" and.... ?

Then again there is nothing wrong I suppose with being both trusted and adored.

Ric http://www.orglearn.org/

[Mike Rogers]

Thanks for your comments Richard. Trust is so important for not just leaders but also teams. Stephen M.R. Covey outlines in his book "The Speed of Trust" four important elements of trust - integrity, intention, capability and results. You can't have three and not the other or you will have trust issues. Maybe adoration becomes a bi-product of trust over time? But spending time of course is going to be critical to building the trust initially.
- Mike

[Phil Wrzesinski]

Mike,
I believe that to develop those kinds of feelings as a leader you have to go through 4 stages to get there.

Stage 1 is Comfortable - get them comfortable with who you are, your style, your expectations. Clear communication is the key at this stage.

Stage 2 is Cooperating - Showing them how, step-by-step, together you can all accomplish more. Involvement is the key at this stage.

Stage 3 is Caring - showing that you care about them both as individuals and as a group. When you put pettiness aside, when you show concern for their welfare, their performance, their problems, you show caring. Genuine feelings and interest are key at this stage.

Stage 4 is Trust - Giving them responsibility and letting them do what you trained them to do. Listening to their suggestions. Giving them the ability to go above and beyond their calling. Allowing them to make mistakes without fear of reprimands. Supporting them, even when they fail. Those are the leadership elements that lead to trust.

If you can lead your group through those four stages, you will be loved/admired/adored (insert your own description) as never before and your group will perform at levels higher than even you imagined. But you have to do it step-by-step. No group goes straight from Comfortable to Trust without first hitting the stages in between.

[Mike Rogers]

Phil, sounds like you have been there before : ) Thanks for your insightful comments. I agree.

[Maxwell Pinto]

Nice article regarding spending more time with employees and making them feel wanted. It is also advisable to set an example for others to follow, especially when it comes to ethical behaviour: morals, respect, fairness, caring and sharing, employee-participation in decision making,etc.
Many leaders are very good at drafting and implementing a code of ethics for others to follow, instead of leading by example.

Maxwell Pinto,
Business Author:leadership, ethics, teamwork, trade unions, women in the workforce, etc.
http://www.strategicbookpublishing.com/Management-TidbitsForTheNewMillenium.html

[Mike Rogers]

Thanks Maxwell. Doing what you say you will do, being a good example, integrity etc... are all critical for effective leadership. They lead to trust, which is the foundation, in my opinion, to effective leadership. Thanks.

- Mike