Is crying at the office a bad thing? According to this “Video Guru” it is.

Okay, it can be embarrassing, but is crying all that bad? Should leaders frown upon it?

I recently watched a short video (which I have posted below) developed by howdini.com. The so called guru being interviewed states that work is about facts, not feelings and that we should really work on separating the two. So I was thinking what the benefits of a workplace would look like that separated feelings from facts.

1. The first benefit has to be working with cold, thoughtless hard hearted people. Sign me up!

2. Creativity, passion and true engagement would be replaced with just getting the job done. Sounds like fun!

3.  Honesty would rule. It would go something like this: “Julie, I just wanted to tell you, that dress you are wearing isn’t happening. It’s really ugly. Those are just the facts, nothing personal. But if you want to get places in this company you might want to stop wearing it!” Well at least you’re getting timely and honest feedback!

While we certainly don’t want to go around work as emotional wrecks, feelings are not only normal, but important in the workplace. We are emotional beings and those emotions not only help us identify when danger lurks, when we are being treated unfairly, when we need to ask clarifying questions for understanding, engage in creative thought and many other benefits, they also prevent us from saying things to others that might be hurtful. How can work not be about feelings?

And leaders have to learn how to effectively deal with the emotions of others, even crying. The best thing a leader can do is realize that crying and other types of visible feelings and emotions are only reactions, not the issue itself. And maybe this is what the “guru” being interviewed meant?

Leaders should be careful not to jump to the conclusion that crying and other visible emotions are a sign of weakness. We all deal with things differently.

Maybe you agree or disagree. Is crying in the office such a bad thing? And how have you dealt with it both as an employee and leader? Please post your comments below. I look forward to hearing how you “feel.”

Mike Rogers
http://www.secondg.net

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Comments

[Maxwell Pinto]

Leaders should understand that human beings, unlike robots, have feelings and they should also make an attenpt to arrive at the cause of the crying. Emotional intelligence is called for, to some extent.

Maxwell Pinto,
Business Author: leadership, ethics, teamwork, women in the workforce, trade unions, etc.
http://www.strategicbookpublishing.com/Management-TidbitsForTheNewMillenium.html

[Mike Rogers]

Great point Maxwell.

I believe all leaders should score high on emotional intelligence.

- Mike

[Eve Luppert]

Crying as a weapon is no better than being a bully or yelling or anything else. The only problem is that women tend to do it more than men do. So it less "professional."

That being said I have the unfortunate problem of being a human being 24 hours a day, and a female one at that. I've cried at work, it's how I express anger and is no more or less acceptable that yelling back or any other response.

Male behavior is more accepted than female behavior in the work place. However Male does not equal professional anymore than one tomato is equal to being a salad. It's just part of the mix.

[Mark Soisson]

I'd rather have a c0-worker or employee cry at work then "go postal" on me. Work is (mostly) done by humans. Emotions are involved. The woman in the video is just wrong - and sexist. She implies that it is only women who occasionally express their emotions through crying.

[Mike Rogers]

Thanks for your comments Eve and Mark. I would rather someone cry at work as well Mark than go "postal." Emotions are part of life, why should we feel it is a real bad thing if don't suppress them all of the time? Of course we have to be careful, especially with the emotion of anger.

I do agree Eve that crying can be used as a weapon to manipulate, like being a bully or yelling is. However, many times it isn't used in that fashion, sometimes people are genuinely hurt. As was mentioned in an earlier comment, emotional intelligence as a leader is helpful in sorting all of this out.

- Mike

[Evan Stoddard]

God helped resolve a particularly difficult situation at work last week. As I talked afterward with others who were involved in the situation I found myself getting teary, out of the gratitude I felt for God's intervention and the delicate way my colleagues had worked through the problem with each other. My colleagues responded to my tears in a sympathetic and kindly way. I felt the experience drew us closer, and I believe they left our discussion with good thoughts and feelings. I think only good will come of the entire experience.

[Garret Gillespie]

Crying, laughing, shouting, humor...all human. When I left my consultancy recently to return to the corporate world, it was extremely difficult for my clients to let go. Not because my expertise exceeded anyone else who could perform the functions I did, but because we had a relationship. Regarding finding IT consultants that could replace me, a quote from one former client is, "He seems to know his stuff, but he's just not as warm and friendly as you are." No emotions in the workplace? Sorry emotions are very much a part of the workplace and always will be.

[Mark Steele]

There are many ways to respond emotionally to anger or humiliation: crying, withdrawing verbally, swearing, yelling, stomping out of the room, even reaching over the table and hitting the offender--and I've seen all of them at work. The milder responses, like crying, can be a sign that something's been done wrong or insensitively, and provides an opportunity to straighten things out.

But if someone is crying frequently at work, it would suggest to me they are manipulative, the job is seriously not a fit for them, or that they do have difficulty in dealing with everyday life.

[Mike Rogers]

Thanks Evan, Garret and Mark.

Emotion is so much a part of work. I appreciate your insightful comments and stories.

[Cy Helm]

I come down on the side of the interviewee. The video was about one's own outburst, not someone else's, and the need to manage one's behavior, not how to respond to someone else's tears. As Eve pointed out, crying is no more appropriate than yelling. A good manager would provide feedback about either behavior. Getting teary-eyed while recounting a meaningful event is not the same as bursting in tears in the midst of a confrontation. One aspect of emotional intelligence is knowing when tears are appropriate, and when they're not.