Over the weekend two fierce rivals met in football. Brigham Young University (BYU) and the University of Utah have met on the football field since 1922 to compete and claim victory. It is a spectacular rivalry that consumes the state of Utah the week previous to the game regardless of either team’s record.
On Saturday these two teams met in what turned out to be a storybook overtime ending - 26-23 BYU victory. But the post game remarks by star quarterback Max Hall were anything but storybook. At the end of the game in response to the question whether he felt he had redeemed himself after last years lost in which he threw five interceptions Hall is quoted as saying “"A little bit, yeah. I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them.”
“I hate their program. I hate their fans. I hate everything. So, it feels good to send those guys home. They didn't deserve it. It was our time and it was our time to win. We deserved it. We played as hard as we could tonight, and it felt really good to send them home and to get them out of here, so it is a game I'll always remember." There is a little more to this as Hall explained “"I think the whole university and their fans and organization is classless. They threw beer on my family and stuff last year, and did a whole bunch of nasty things. I don't respect them, and they deserve to lose."
Hate is a strong word, especially from a leader. Leaders must be in control of their emotions. Now, let me make it clear, I am a BYU fan (though I cheered as hard as I have ever cheered for Utah’s win last year against No. 4 Alabama in the sugar bowl). But Hall was anything but a leader after the game Saturday night. Though he led his team to victory after throwing the winning touchdown pass, unfortunately his leadership stopped there. He let down the fans, his teammates and the entire university with his comments.
Hall later apologized. Certainly he can be forgiven, but he will lose respect in the eyes of many. It is unfortunate when leaders in any organization express their disdain and hate towards anyone, including competitors. Hate never motivated anything but more hate. When people hate, they lack common sense and creativity because anger consumes them. Leaders must be careful in what they say, even in the heat of the moment. Here are four “refrains” I would suggest for any leader.
Refrain from talking negative about co-workers and/or their reports or your reports. You will quickly lose respect in the eyes of those that follow you and be perceived as a non-caring leader.
Refrain from talking negative about your manager or anyone above your manager. Doing so will clearly demonstrate that you don’t care about the organization as a whole and will result in a lack of trust and respect. If you have an issue with how things are being done, then express it to those who need to hear it and can do something about it.
Refrain from talking negative about the competition, give them the kudos they deserve and find creative ways to be better, but never give into the temptation of drumming up negative emotions through negative talk. Contrary to some popular opinions, it does not boost team morale; it creates unfocused and uncreative energy.
How have you ever been affected by negative talk? Do you have any examples and/or stories?
With Thanksgiving coming up I thought it would be fun to talk about leaders that each of us are grateful for. These could be leaders that you worked for, were coached by, served with, or have read/watched and were influenced by.
I want to start with a leader I am grateful for and then hope each of you will contribute a post about leaders that have affected you. I hope we can learn from these great leaders.
I was blessed and thankful to have a leader that taught me caring was more important anything else; results would come if leaders cared. He taught me that it was important to treat others how they want to be treated, not how you think they want to be treated. I always felt special and important around this particular leader. He cared enough to provide me honest specific feedback on my performance, was always interested in what my goals were, and would support me in achieving whatever it was that I aspired to do. Because of him I understand that being a leader is more than simply being a good manager. That people will follow you if they trust you. And they will trust you, if you care about them and nurture relationships with them.
I am grateful for this leader because I see him and his example every time I lead, whether at work, home or church. I am grateful for good people like him. Now it’s your turn, please post a comment about a leader you are grateful for below.
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Note: See powerful video based on a true Leadership story of two children below. I found this fictional leadership story the other day and thought you might enjoy it. It was originally written in Home Life Magazine by Elizabeth Silance Ballard in 1976 and became one of the most requested stories in the magazine’s history. Several versions of this story have circulated around the Internet.
Mrs. Thompson exemplifies the type of leadership we should all take notice of. She helped this little boy, Teddy, feel like he was important and changed his life. It’s amazing what kindness can do. Teachers are some of the greatest leaders there are. This is a great holiday; make you feel good, type of story. I hope it is meaningful to you in each of your leadership capacities at work, home, church or wherever.
As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big 'F' at the top of his papers.
At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around..'
His second grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.'
His third grade teacher wrote, 'His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken.'
Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, 'Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.'
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself.. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, 'Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.'
After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her 'teacher's pets..'
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.
Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck w ith it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honours. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.
They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, 'Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.'
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back.. She said, 'Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you.'
Here are a few other inspirational posts and videos from our blog that you might enjoy. Click and be inspired.
I love stories about leaders who care. President and CEO of Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, Paul Levy is one of those leaders. He doesn’t just say he cares, but shows it. Faced with the prospect of laying off 600 employees, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. This is a leader who truly understands that the “C” and “E” in CEO should stand for caring and empathy. He saw these 600 employees as people with families. Many of them were lower wage workers who if given a “pink slip” would only be a paycheck or two from losing their homes.
So, instead of taking the easy way out with layoffs, Paul Levy went to the employees themselves to work on a solution. He held a town meeting in which he explained the situation: "I want to run an idea by you that I think is important, and I'd like to get your reaction to it," Levy said. "I'd like to do what we can to protect the lower-wage earners - the transporters, the housekeepers, the food service people. A lot of these people work really hard, and I don't want to put an additional burden on them.”
"Now, if we protect these workers, it means the rest of us will have to make a bigger sacrifice," he continued. "It means that others will have to give up more of their salary or benefits."
Levy received a rousing and emotional ovation from those in attendance. He followed up after the town meeting and used e-mail and social media to solicit ideas, including Facebook. He received 2,700 suggestions in all.
70 people were eventually laid off, but as an organization they were able to save 530 jobs! Leaders like Levy are inspirational. This type of approach is refreshing. I guarantee when Paul Levy says something people listen and they listen with great respect and adoration for a leader they know truly cares about them.
Do you have any stories like this one you could share? What are the long term benefits of caring and empathetic leaders?
The photos to the right obviously say something about bad parenting, but what do they say about bad leadership or teamwork? They remind me of the responsibility leaders have to their followers and the stupid things they do sometimes.
Let’s have some fun with this. Can you come up with a caption for this photo? You can submit a funny comment or a serious one. Just simply post them in the comments section below. I know we have a creative group here. Let’s see what we can come up with. It should be fun. The winner will be posted along with their name, blog address and photo, if they have one. This should be fun.
Note: Our community here at Teamwork and Leadership Bloggings has grown significantly in the last year. I am grateful to each of our loyal subscribers. Drop me a note and let me know what you would like to see or see more of on our blog. After all, it’s your blog as much as it is mine. Thanks : )
I don’t know if it is or isn’t (there are lots reasons why team’s perform poorly) but the fundamental attribution error could possibly be the number one, maybe number two obstacle to effective teamwork.
The fundamental attribution error simply means that I attribute your actions in error based on my limited understanding of you and/or the situation. For example, you’re driving in your neighborhood one day where a woman driving a car in front of you decides to follow the speed limit – 25 MPH. Going down the hill she puts her brakes on repeatedly. You are already late to work and this frustrates you even more. “Of all the days,” you think to yourself, “this clown, this jerk, this bozo decides to go the speed limit." "And I know she is frustrating me on purpose because she doesn’t like how close I am to her bumper.” “That does it,” you tell yourself, “I’m going to pass this inconsiderate dork.” Just as you do, you catch in the corner of your eye a police car. You attributed in error this woman’s motives and now you will pay the price. She saw the police car the whole time, but you were so busy attributing her motives in error you didn’t notice.
Our brains fill in the gaps when we don’t have all of the pieces to the puzzle. Often times we fill in the gaps in error. On teams this can affect relationships and participation. For example, a team member says something to you in a team meeting that is somewhat direct and you feel they don’t like you. What is the result? You will either fight or flee (flight). Both are not healthy to the team because they focus on other things besides the tasks that the team is working on.
Good leaders will recognize that relationships are critical to the success of their team. Good team leaders are good facilitators. In addition to ensuring the team spends time together so they can understand each other, good team leaders, with their team, will set norms around team participation, nip unhealthy conflict when it raises its ugly head and focus the team on the issues and tasks, not personalities or other extraneous obstacles.
Do you have any examples of the fundamental attribution error in all of its glory? Do you agree the fundamental attribution error may be the number one or number two obstacle to effective teamwork? Please share in the comments section below. I look forward to hearing your responses.
Relationships are the foundation of teamwork. Teams fail to execute when relationships are poor. But yet leaders often neglect and sometimes even completely ignore this foundational component of teams. There are many reasons for poor relationships, but my opinion is that lack of understanding each other is the number one contributor.
If I don’t understand you, I won’t fully understand your motives. My trust is initially built on what I have seen or observed about you, not on what I understand about you. Therefore if what I have observed about you is in my mind negative, then your intentions will always be questioned.
I had a final job interview many years ago in which this was evident. As is the case with many final job interviews this one was with the team that I would be working with. I believed my interview was going great, but one particular person’s body language told me otherwise. She just blankly stared at me, kind of “freaky” like. When I was being funny, she didn’t laugh. When I was being engaging and looking for agreement, she didn’t nod her head. She just stared at me. When it was her turn to ask a question, I immediately believed she was asking the question to be malicious and that she wasn’t really that serious. I got the job and later discovered that this person showed no emotion towards any interaction, personally or in meetings. But I also found out that she was one of the kindest and sweetest people you would ever know. Once I understood her, my judgment of her motives changed. Being on the same team, this would be critical because of the nature of the projects we would work on together.
When team members don’t trust one another, issues that need to be resolved in meetings become personal, not task oriented. In fact, some team members may not even fully participate due to the fear of conflict. As a result issues are never resolved effectively or efficiently. If there is one thing I tell teams over and over again when I consult, it is that they must spend time together. There are many other things team’s can do to develop relationships, but spending time together is one of the easiest. Go to lunch together, spend a half a day or full day with teambuilding, have regular effective meetings together face to face or plan department activities together. There are many ways teams can spend time together, but the most important thing is that they do.
Have you ever seen teams fail due to poor relationships? Please tell us about it in the comments section below.
Tomorrow I will talk about the social psychology term “Fundamental Attribution Error” and how it erodes team trust. Sounds academic, but it’s not. I think you will find it quite interesting. Stay tuned.
Not too long ago I blogged about how gossip is a great poison to teamwork (you can view that post by clicking here). I want to blog today about how gossip and rumors are usually the result of poor leadership. That’s right, poor leadership.
Gossip and rumors not only hurts individuals, but it also affects staff morale. Gossip and rumors are usually the result of someone not having all of the facts. In many organizations there is a lack of clear communication. Sooner or later employees will see or hear some things that worry them. Maybe they see all of the senior leaders gathering together to meet at a time they don’t usually meet. Maybe there has been speculation in the press about the financial nose dive the company they work for is heading for. Whatever the signs are, it is very natural for employees to begin to try to fill in the gaps they have. And when they talk to each other and try to fill in the gaps, it usually becomes worse and that’s when rumors begin.
Once rumors begin, employees will become anxious and morale can plummet. Clear communication from leaders is the key. Companies and leaders that purposely work on communicating clearly and honestly have a better chance of easing stress and worry among staff in difficult times.
I think you will enjoy the following old (1958) and fun video titled “The Grapevine.” It is an old supervisor training video, but very relevant to issues in the workplace today. You might want to use this to train your staff. I will have it available in the near future for download. If you would like to be notified when this video is ready for download, go to my video page and subscribe to our video updates at http://secondg.net/videos
As you watch this video, who do you think is more to blame, the leader or the “girls” in the office? Note: This video would make you believe that women are the only ones that gossip and spread rumors, but we all know men are just as guilty. This video is a product of its time. But the points are still valid.
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