Leaders Ought Not to Be Hateful

Over the weekend two fierce rivals met in football. Brigham Young University (BYU) and the University of Utah have met on the football field since 1922 to compete and claim victory. It is a spectacular rivalry that consumes the state of Utah the week previous to the game regardless of either team’s record.

On Saturday these two teams met in what turned out to be a storybook overtime ending - 26-23 BYU victory. But the post game remarks by star quarterback Max Hall were anything but storybook. At the end of the game in response to the question whether he felt he had redeemed himself after last years lost in which he threw five interceptions Hall is quoted as saying “"A little bit, yeah. I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them.”

“I hate their program. I hate their fans. I hate everything. So, it feels good to send those guys home. They didn't deserve it. It was our time and it was our time to win. We deserved it. We played as hard as we could tonight, and it felt really good to send them home and to get them out of here, so it is a game I'll always remember."

There is a little more to this as Hall explained “"I think the whole university and their fans and organization is classless. They threw beer on my family and stuff last year, and did a whole bunch of nasty things. I don't respect them, and they deserve to lose."

Hate is a strong word, especially from a leader. Leaders must be in control of their emotions. Now, let me make it clear, I am a BYU fan (though I cheered as hard as I have ever cheered for Utah’s win last year against No. 4 Alabama in the sugar bowl). But Hall was anything but a leader after the game Saturday night. Though he led his team to victory after throwing the winning touchdown pass, unfortunately his leadership stopped there. He let down the fans, his teammates and the entire university with his comments.

Hall later apologized. Certainly he can be forgiven, but he will lose respect in the eyes of many. It is unfortunate when leaders in any organization express their disdain and hate towards anyone, including competitors. Hate never motivated anything but more hate. When people hate, they lack common sense and creativity because anger consumes them. Leaders must be careful in what they say, even in the heat of the moment. Here are four “refrains” I would suggest for any leader.

1. Refrain from gossip, it is a poison and will result in lack of trust. See one of my recent posts on gossip at work by clicking here.
   
   
2. Refrain from talking negative about co-workers and/or their reports or your reports. You will quickly lose respect in the eyes of those that follow you and be perceived as a non-caring leader.
   
   
3. Refrain from talking negative about your manager or anyone above your manager. Doing so will clearly demonstrate that you don’t care about the organization as a whole and will result in a lack of trust and respect. If you have an issue with how things are being done, then express it to those who need to hear it and can do something about it.
   
   
4. Refrain from talking negative about the competition, give them the kudos they deserve and find creative ways to be better, but never give into the temptation of drumming up negative emotions through negative talk. Contrary to some popular opinions, it does not boost team morale; it creates unfocused and uncreative energy.

How have you ever been affected by negative talk? Do you have any examples and/or stories?

Mike Rogers

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Comments

[Christian Fauchald]

Great note.

If it weren't for your competitors, you wouldn't be half as good as you are. If for no other reason, at least respect them for that.

[Patricia C. Blotter]

Having gone to BYU for 3 years and then graduating on purpose from the U, I am not the least bit surprised about the Y's conduct!!! It is about time they are forced to take responsibility for their share of the abuse. And it is far greater because "Much is given, much is expected!!!"

[Marta Segura]

I know you expect more from coaches, that they should all be leaders the way you define them. The truth is that most of them don't get the proper exposure to build their character and their moral fiber. They are mostly fierce competitors in a system that rewards them with money and materialistic incentives. So, the model is all messed up. Pete Carrol from USC is an exception. However, even in the Olympics, sports have lost their true meaning. I know men love using sports as a metaphor for leadership but it doesn't work for me, and many many women and peole. Just thought I would give my sincere opinion on that.

[Mike Rogers]

Thanks for you comments Christian, Patricia and Marta.

Marta, I am interested in hearing more about why you feel sports is not a good metaphor for leadership? You pointed out USC as an exception, how come?

I believe there is a lot of leadership examples that can be drawn from sports. Some bad and some good. Some coaches and leaders in sports really do care and exhibit great leadership and inspire great teamwork. I could give you two examples in my own life of a high school football coach that exhibited great leadership that inspired and a basketball coach that didn't.

- Mike

[Michael Schoenfeld]

Mike,

I've always found it interesting that adults are not above this pettiness. Having hate, and for that matter disdain, for another individual or organization, clouds a person’s judgment, affects their ability to lead effectively and sooner or later it takes them down.

[Mike Rogers]

Thanks for you comments Michael. It is amazing isn't it? Hate and anger will always cloud our best judgement. Leaders have to be at the top of their game in terms of judgement.

- Mike

[Will Hains]

Your post has interesting implications for party politics. I think the principle of not speaking negatively of the other "team" could apply. This principle seldom is applied because there are short-term benefits to negativity in politics: it riles and motivates the based to support the party.

You say "Hate never motivated anything but more hate." Even if the negative animosity invoked by political leaders does not rise to the level of hate, it still engenders in the party base nothing more than negative animosity toward "competitors."

The problem is one of short- vs. long-term gains. Such negativity will motivate people to vote against the other party for a time, but people will eventually realize that negative political leaders are intellectually moribund when it comes to solutions. "When people hate," as you say, "they lack common sense and creativity because anger consumes them."

Common sense and creativity are essential to addressing the difficult issues facing our communities, states, and the nation, but these values are often missing from political discourse because politics is too often infected by a spirit of negative competition.

[joanne]

Mike- I am new to your blog and I must say I find it a refreshing discourse on the positive side of leadership. There is a lot of negativity around the word and concept - mostly because many "leaders" I feel have missed the mark on the concepts you expound upon here. Most "leaders" - i.e. people put in the position of leadership - that I have worked for didn't mature up through the competency or humility ranks. Rather, they ascended there by many of the negative principles outlined and their related effects - negatively portraying personal competition, back-biting etc. I feel that there needs to be a sea-change in the way we lead in industry and in this country. How about the concept of greater good??? Do you know many leaders who would sacrifice themselves for others? Do you know many leaders who truly want to do what is just for their people, their companies and themselves (in that order)?? I actually had a friend that hired me once and because of cut-backs chose to save his position at the expense of mine. At the time, my husband was unemployed, I had twins that were 3 years old and I was in the middle of building a home for both my family and my mom who I take care of. His response to me was that it was tough out there and that he also was suffering - he mentioned he needed to make the ultimate sacrifice and sell his boat! If it is possible to get leaders to truly be brave - take the chances to the right thing - provide growth and prosperity while carving out sufficient compassion and empathy I think we would all be in a better place today.

[Michele]

Since most sport is factored towards 'win at all costs' I agree that it is not a good analogy for leadership role models.

The very 'pep' talks that are supposed to motivate the team are redolant of disdain, disgust and a sense of superiority - "We are the best, we deserve to win etc"

The continuing saga of drugs in sport has coloured perceptions of so called sporting heros.

There are better and more ethical role models to be found in less media driven leadership positions. So of the stories that are coming out of Afghanistan and Iraq tell of those who placed honour, comrades and duty first; and whether you agree with the politics no one should deny that these are attributes which should be demonstrated by leaders in every sphere.

[Mike Rogers]

Thank you Will, Joanne and Michele.

Will, your points are very valid. I wish politics was not so negative. Positive leaders will have gain trust, but of course may have a difficult time getting elected.

Joanne, thank you for your encouraging words. I wish there were more leaders that were concerned about the greater good. Leaders who cared more about people than themselves etc...

Michele, your comments are fairly general. And in many cases I would agree. Howevre, there are great leadership examples of coaches, players etc... in high schools, little league etc... that exhibit pure leadership (caring, serving, positive motivating etc...). Good sportsmanship is practiced as well. Would you agree with that?

- Mike